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thalialunacy2[Merlin, done Sports Night style. :D The challenge at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
summerpornathon was fusion/crossover, and this entry was entirely obviously mine. AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE OMG. 750 words, NC-17, humor plus some porn and schmoop. And a Neopets joke.]
(Interior, day but you wouldn’t know it; two good-looking gentlemen in smart suits, ARTHUR and GWAINE, are sat at the well-lit desk in the centre of the sole stage of a televised sport programme.)
GWAINE: Arthur.
ARTHUR: Gwaine.
GWAINE: Arthur.
FREYA (from the control room, where she sits with MERLIN, the producer, and other associate producers and techs; GAIUS, the executive producer, stands behind them, surveying): Freya!
MERLIN: Is this a game?
GAIUS: I bloody well hope so, otherwise I’m going to fire the lot of you.
MERLIN: But you wouldn’t, because this show means the world to you, and you think of us like family.
GAIUS: No, this show is very much a business to me, and I think of you all as my employees. (leans down to the microphone on MERLIN’s desk and presses a button) Hope your CV is current, Pendragon.
ARTHUR: Love you too, sir.
GWAINE: Seriously, Arthur—
ARTHUR: Yes, seriously, I think Jenna Randall is hotter than Laura Bechtolsheimer and so help me God, if you take the piss out of her name on the air like you did with Kate Bush, I will throw my coffee on your lap and you won’t be able to perform—yes, I mean it that way—for a week.
MERLIN (under his breath): And if you bring it up one more time, I’m going to kill both of them and hold you hostage until you stop over-compensating, you closeted nancy-boy shirt-lifter.
(GAIUS quirks his eyebrow)
FREYA: Merlin.
MERLIN: Oh, good, yes, this really is a game. (standing) I have an idea for another game, yeah? It’s called the ‘we have a show on the air in fifteen seconds’ game. Now, can we all act like adults for, oh, I dunno, the two minutes until the c-break? Best start small. (leans down to type something on the laptop in front of him) Who made my wallpaper Neopets?
FREYA: You did.
MERLIN: Ah.
ARTHUR (into the camera, but clearly to MERLIN): You were saying?
CAMERA 1 OPERATOR: And in five… four…
GAIUS (clutching at his chest): Oh, my heavens.
MERLIN (immediately serious): Gaius? You alright?
CAMERA 1 OPERATOR: Three… Two…
(GAIUS whispers something into MERLIN’s ear. MERLIN sputters.)
GWAINE (into the camera): All that and more, on tonight’s titillating show!
FREYA: I’m going to kill him.
MERLIN (to GAIUS): And you, what, forgot to tell us?
GAIUS (shrugging): Is it possible I forgot?
MERLIN: It’s quite possible you forgot, yes, you senile old man. (beat; MERLIN is staring at the wall of monitors in front of him and thinking) And in that case… May I?
GAIUS (gesturing grandly): By all means.
(MERLIN marches through the connecting door and onto the set.)
ARTHUR (to the camera): …clearly the Rhinos were experiencing some difficulty in the—Merlin—what—
(MERLIN reaches across the desk, grabs ARTHUR’s tie, and kisses him soundly. GWAINE hoots.)
GWAINE: I knew it! Pay up, all of you!
GAIUS: Well, that’s not quite what I had in mind… (smiles) But it’ll do.
FREYA (into the mic in front of her): We’re not on the air, folks. Formula 1 went long, and OAP Gaius here forgot to tell us.
MERLIN (whispering, into ARTHUR’s ear): When the show goes down tonight, I am going to take you back to your flat and do things to you you haven’t imagined in even your wildest dreams. I’m going to lay you down and rock your world so hard you’re not even going to remember how to spell ‘Bechtolsheimer.’
FREYA: He has his microphone on, Merlin. But thanks for that mental picture.
GAIUS: Firing the lot of them.
---
Arthur is a stubborn arsehole, though. “B-E-C-H…”
Merlin huffs a laugh into Arthur’s chest, where he’s collapsed in a pile of sweat and come. “How are you not thoroughly shagged out right now?”
“I’m Arthur bloody Pendragon.”
Merlin groans. “Here we go.”
“T-O-L…”
Merlin slides two fingers through the goop, then lets them slide right down, down, down, past Arthur’s recovering cock and to his hole, which is gloriously used and messy.
He slips two fingers in unapologetically.
“Fuck!”
“Uh-huh.”
“S-H…”
“Tosser.” Crooks them.
“E-I…”
“Braggart.” Pushes on Arthur’s prostate again and again.
“Jesus fuck!”
“That’s more like it.”
Arthur’s cock pulses fitfully, and his body bows off the bed, his fingers fisting in Merlin’s hair. Merlin follows the tug and comes up to kiss him.
“M-E-R…” he feels whispered against his lips.
“Oh for the love of—“
Arthur kisses him again. “L…I…N.”
fin
summerpornathon was fusion/crossover, and this entry was entirely obviously mine. AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE OMG. 750 words, NC-17, humor plus some porn and schmoop. And a Neopets joke.](Interior, day but you wouldn’t know it; two good-looking gentlemen in smart suits, ARTHUR and GWAINE, are sat at the well-lit desk in the centre of the sole stage of a televised sport programme.)
GWAINE: Arthur.
ARTHUR: Gwaine.
GWAINE: Arthur.
FREYA (from the control room, where she sits with MERLIN, the producer, and other associate producers and techs; GAIUS, the executive producer, stands behind them, surveying): Freya!
MERLIN: Is this a game?
GAIUS: I bloody well hope so, otherwise I’m going to fire the lot of you.
MERLIN: But you wouldn’t, because this show means the world to you, and you think of us like family.
GAIUS: No, this show is very much a business to me, and I think of you all as my employees. (leans down to the microphone on MERLIN’s desk and presses a button) Hope your CV is current, Pendragon.
ARTHUR: Love you too, sir.
GWAINE: Seriously, Arthur—
ARTHUR: Yes, seriously, I think Jenna Randall is hotter than Laura Bechtolsheimer and so help me God, if you take the piss out of her name on the air like you did with Kate Bush, I will throw my coffee on your lap and you won’t be able to perform—yes, I mean it that way—for a week.
MERLIN (under his breath): And if you bring it up one more time, I’m going to kill both of them and hold you hostage until you stop over-compensating, you closeted nancy-boy shirt-lifter.
(GAIUS quirks his eyebrow)
FREYA: Merlin.
MERLIN: Oh, good, yes, this really is a game. (standing) I have an idea for another game, yeah? It’s called the ‘we have a show on the air in fifteen seconds’ game. Now, can we all act like adults for, oh, I dunno, the two minutes until the c-break? Best start small. (leans down to type something on the laptop in front of him) Who made my wallpaper Neopets?
FREYA: You did.
MERLIN: Ah.
ARTHUR (into the camera, but clearly to MERLIN): You were saying?
CAMERA 1 OPERATOR: And in five… four…
GAIUS (clutching at his chest): Oh, my heavens.
MERLIN (immediately serious): Gaius? You alright?
CAMERA 1 OPERATOR: Three… Two…
(GAIUS whispers something into MERLIN’s ear. MERLIN sputters.)
GWAINE (into the camera): All that and more, on tonight’s titillating show!
FREYA: I’m going to kill him.
MERLIN (to GAIUS): And you, what, forgot to tell us?
GAIUS (shrugging): Is it possible I forgot?
MERLIN: It’s quite possible you forgot, yes, you senile old man. (beat; MERLIN is staring at the wall of monitors in front of him and thinking) And in that case… May I?
GAIUS (gesturing grandly): By all means.
(MERLIN marches through the connecting door and onto the set.)
ARTHUR (to the camera): …clearly the Rhinos were experiencing some difficulty in the—Merlin—what—
(MERLIN reaches across the desk, grabs ARTHUR’s tie, and kisses him soundly. GWAINE hoots.)
GWAINE: I knew it! Pay up, all of you!
GAIUS: Well, that’s not quite what I had in mind… (smiles) But it’ll do.
FREYA (into the mic in front of her): We’re not on the air, folks. Formula 1 went long, and OAP Gaius here forgot to tell us.
MERLIN (whispering, into ARTHUR’s ear): When the show goes down tonight, I am going to take you back to your flat and do things to you you haven’t imagined in even your wildest dreams. I’m going to lay you down and rock your world so hard you’re not even going to remember how to spell ‘Bechtolsheimer.’
FREYA: He has his microphone on, Merlin. But thanks for that mental picture.
GAIUS: Firing the lot of them.
---
Arthur is a stubborn arsehole, though. “B-E-C-H…”
Merlin huffs a laugh into Arthur’s chest, where he’s collapsed in a pile of sweat and come. “How are you not thoroughly shagged out right now?”
“I’m Arthur bloody Pendragon.”
Merlin groans. “Here we go.”
“T-O-L…”
Merlin slides two fingers through the goop, then lets them slide right down, down, down, past Arthur’s recovering cock and to his hole, which is gloriously used and messy.
He slips two fingers in unapologetically.
“Fuck!”
“Uh-huh.”
“S-H…”
“Tosser.” Crooks them.
“E-I…”
“Braggart.” Pushes on Arthur’s prostate again and again.
“Jesus fuck!”
“That’s more like it.”
Arthur’s cock pulses fitfully, and his body bows off the bed, his fingers fisting in Merlin’s hair. Merlin follows the tug and comes up to kiss him.
“M-E-R…” he feels whispered against his lips.
“Oh for the love of—“
Arthur kisses him again. “L…I…N.”
fin
