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thalialunacy2(Merlin, Merlin/Arthur etc, crack, 750 words, title by Ern, written for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
summerpornathon, prompt was fuck-or-die.)
It started with murmurs and whispers around the castle. Scullery maid to stable boy, knight to page, and finally kitchen boy to Merlin.
“…the ponies…”
But no one was very specific, just very afraid, and Merlin grew a little frustrated. He tried to look it up in his books of magick beasties, but he didn’t even really know where to start, so he ended up with approximately eighty-two dead-ends and a headache.
“Gaius,” he finally asked one afternoon as he was putting away the herbs he’d been sent to gather, “what are these ‘ponies’ everyone keeps going on about?”
Gaius froze. Twitched. Avoided Merlin’s gaze. “Merlin,” he finally replied, his eye contact too earnest to be truthful, “where did you hear such a thing?”
“Oh, I dunno, let me think. Everywhere?”
Gaius made a dismissive gesture. With notably trembling hands. “Pay it no heed.”
Merlin nodded slowly, knowing he’d do the opposite. “All right.”
---
But there were no words to describe how completely and utterly unprepared he was for the actuality when it finally came.
---
The first sign of their arrival was the soft clop of hooves in the main courtyard. Which, yes, saw a lot of hoof-clopping, but hardly any of it involved tinkling musical accompaniment.
Merlin was in Arthur’s rooms, of course, tidying up after morning practice while Arthur bathed. “It sounds like a group of children got ahold of the castle bells,” he started, “and put them on—“
He stopped.
“…ponies,” he and Arthur said at once.
---
The second sign was rather more subtle. It was when the gigantic anthropomorphic sparkling beasts demanded they all fornicate.
---
The king and his closest companions (the future king, the future queen, the future court sorcerer, the future archenemy of everything he stood for; the usual) had gathered in the courtyard to greet their guests.
“We come in peace!” Arthur said. “No, wait, that’s not right.”
“This feels like something out of a drama about teenaged vampire hunters,” Uther said. Arthur brightened. “No, that’s not right, either.” Arthur frowned.
Merlin wanted to throw all of them over the wall. “And what happens if we do not comply?” he asked the front pony, who seemed, with its hugest eyes and flowingest mane, to be the leader.
The pony kicked at the ground. “Then you shall all perish.”
Merlin looked at Gaius, and could tell by the expression on his face that these creatures were indeed capable of such destruction. “But that doesn’t make any sense,” he protested diplomatically. “Why—why that? Why is it so important?”
Merlin could’ve sworn the pony’s eyes twinkled at him especially. “Love is the most important thing.”
He groaned and put his head in his hands.
---
“I still don’t see why we had to do it this way,” Merlin said offhandedly as Arthur slid two slicked-up fingers into him. “Morgana and Gwen, you and me, Gaius and--”
“Please do not finish that sentence.”
“…yeah, sorry.”
“Nobles bedding their servants out of wedlock is acceptable, Merlin, that’s why. Now hush, I’m trying to concentrate.”
“What on earth would you be trying to concentrate on? It’s rather basic--” He choked as Arthur’s crooked fingers hit something magnificent. “--oooh.”
“Yes, oh.” He kissed Merlin, on the mouth, and Merlin couldn’t help but kiss back. “Now hush.”
---
The next day, after breaking fast with Camelot’s finest hay, the ponies said their farewells. Everyone seemed rather non-nonplussed, even though Merlin’s mind was racing with Arthur’s damnable hands and lips and cock, and he wondered how the other couples had fared.
Afterwards, Merlin briefly caught glimpses of the girls exchanging giggles and heated looks while Arthur dragged him back up to his chambers, and he figured that was a good enough answer. Then he forgot the question all together as Arthur pinned him down on the bed and stroked their cocks together until they came in a rush.
Afterwards, and most bizarrely, Arthur cleaned them both up and climbed back into bed. “I’m rather glad they visited, considering,” he said on a yawn, “but I preferred the bears.”
“The what?”
Arthur waved vaguely. “There were bears once, a couple years before you got here, they shot magical light from their--” He gestured at his stomach region. “They were the most frightening things I’ve ever seen, but at least they didn’t leave sparkling excrement everywhere.” He kissed Merlin’s shoulder and settled in, clearly intending to nap. “Now sleep, you idiot.”
FINthank god
summerpornathon, prompt was fuck-or-die.)It started with murmurs and whispers around the castle. Scullery maid to stable boy, knight to page, and finally kitchen boy to Merlin.
“…the ponies…”
But no one was very specific, just very afraid, and Merlin grew a little frustrated. He tried to look it up in his books of magick beasties, but he didn’t even really know where to start, so he ended up with approximately eighty-two dead-ends and a headache.
“Gaius,” he finally asked one afternoon as he was putting away the herbs he’d been sent to gather, “what are these ‘ponies’ everyone keeps going on about?”
Gaius froze. Twitched. Avoided Merlin’s gaze. “Merlin,” he finally replied, his eye contact too earnest to be truthful, “where did you hear such a thing?”
“Oh, I dunno, let me think. Everywhere?”
Gaius made a dismissive gesture. With notably trembling hands. “Pay it no heed.”
Merlin nodded slowly, knowing he’d do the opposite. “All right.”
---
But there were no words to describe how completely and utterly unprepared he was for the actuality when it finally came.
---
The first sign of their arrival was the soft clop of hooves in the main courtyard. Which, yes, saw a lot of hoof-clopping, but hardly any of it involved tinkling musical accompaniment.
Merlin was in Arthur’s rooms, of course, tidying up after morning practice while Arthur bathed. “It sounds like a group of children got ahold of the castle bells,” he started, “and put them on—“
He stopped.
“…ponies,” he and Arthur said at once.
---
The second sign was rather more subtle. It was when the gigantic anthropomorphic sparkling beasts demanded they all fornicate.
---
The king and his closest companions (the future king, the future queen, the future court sorcerer, the future archenemy of everything he stood for; the usual) had gathered in the courtyard to greet their guests.
“We come in peace!” Arthur said. “No, wait, that’s not right.”
“This feels like something out of a drama about teenaged vampire hunters,” Uther said. Arthur brightened. “No, that’s not right, either.” Arthur frowned.
Merlin wanted to throw all of them over the wall. “And what happens if we do not comply?” he asked the front pony, who seemed, with its hugest eyes and flowingest mane, to be the leader.
The pony kicked at the ground. “Then you shall all perish.”
Merlin looked at Gaius, and could tell by the expression on his face that these creatures were indeed capable of such destruction. “But that doesn’t make any sense,” he protested diplomatically. “Why—why that? Why is it so important?”
Merlin could’ve sworn the pony’s eyes twinkled at him especially. “Love is the most important thing.”
He groaned and put his head in his hands.
---
“I still don’t see why we had to do it this way,” Merlin said offhandedly as Arthur slid two slicked-up fingers into him. “Morgana and Gwen, you and me, Gaius and--”
“Please do not finish that sentence.”
“…yeah, sorry.”
“Nobles bedding their servants out of wedlock is acceptable, Merlin, that’s why. Now hush, I’m trying to concentrate.”
“What on earth would you be trying to concentrate on? It’s rather basic--” He choked as Arthur’s crooked fingers hit something magnificent. “--oooh.”
“Yes, oh.” He kissed Merlin, on the mouth, and Merlin couldn’t help but kiss back. “Now hush.”
---
The next day, after breaking fast with Camelot’s finest hay, the ponies said their farewells. Everyone seemed rather non-nonplussed, even though Merlin’s mind was racing with Arthur’s damnable hands and lips and cock, and he wondered how the other couples had fared.
Afterwards, Merlin briefly caught glimpses of the girls exchanging giggles and heated looks while Arthur dragged him back up to his chambers, and he figured that was a good enough answer. Then he forgot the question all together as Arthur pinned him down on the bed and stroked their cocks together until they came in a rush.
Afterwards, and most bizarrely, Arthur cleaned them both up and climbed back into bed. “I’m rather glad they visited, considering,” he said on a yawn, “but I preferred the bears.”
“The what?”
Arthur waved vaguely. “There were bears once, a couple years before you got here, they shot magical light from their--” He gestured at his stomach region. “They were the most frightening things I’ve ever seen, but at least they didn’t leave sparkling excrement everywhere.” He kissed Merlin’s shoulder and settled in, clearly intending to nap. “Now sleep, you idiot.”
FIN
